Hello Dr. Dave,
I
luckily just found your blog after days of research: My daughter
sounds JUST like the post from Sept. 12 …. I’m going to buy your books
today ! I think she’s always had “Anger Overload”.
I
am desperate to get her more help and trying to figure out where to
bring her, etc (If you happened to have any recommendations in the Los
Angeles area, they would be GREATLY appreciated … ?
I
have a 14 year old daughter living with angry outbursts most of her
life but otherwise happy. She sounds SO similar to the Sept post ….
On the outside she does really well; school, social, sports, friends and
looks like she has it all and never acts up or get angry at school, etc
– she does get quite moody with friends on occasion. (She’s always
been very spoiled materially by her father and perhaps I’ve
over-nurtured her but I say no a lot to stuff! so to speak) By chance
I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, I also have a 16 year old son who’s just
been diagnosed with ADD – he’s a good even-tempered boy who’s always
been a little “absent minded” but he’s bright, easygoing and does well
in school - They used to get along really well as kids but now
basically can’t be in the same room, and this hurts her.
The
family is still living under one roof but basically they know the
parents aren’t on the same page (not even the same book!). We do need
to fix the living situation and make changes soon – it so not fair to
the kids and not the way I’d ever expected to live. Their dad has
always been very hot-headed and impulsive and childlike, etc (never
diagnosed but difficult) , it’s not a good situation but no fighting
just underlying bitterness and lack of communication. I’m inclined to
nag and be the peacekeeper – always the sensible one and I give in to
things just to keep the peace )
Anyway
– back to my daughter; she can be the sweetest, caring, empathic
person. She’s very humble, being surrounded by teenage bragging etc –
She is very sensitive and has been isolating herself recently . She is
seeing a therapist who I find out she’s not that comfortable/truthful
with – we are doing a DBT workshop together but that doesn’t seem to
help …. I think she needs to be assessed again and don’t know where to
start?
She’s
a high achiever at school and stresses over the smallest thing, very
conscientious and can be a teen “drama queen” – last week she had a big
speech to write – well she had just watched “Silver Lining Playbook” –
she choose to write about “Bipolar Disorder”; She then had a lot of
anger last week, and has just told me she’s had a recurring dream about
being in a mental hospital and she has diagnosed herself as Bipolar.
She
did rage at me the other night and hit me … She has hit in the past but
it’s been a very long time …. And sadly she’s always been prone to
throwing things when she’s angry …. (lack of sleep was an issue last
week – something I’m generally careful with)
I’m trying to find a psychologist to have her assessed and going for a “biological” check up with the pediatrician .
Hi, I don't know specific psychologists in the L.A. area; maybe start with your pediatrician for suggestions, or a major medical center like UCLA, or check with the California Psychological Association. Most states have psychological associations that can give you a short list of people in your area who work with teens and families. Then you'd want to ask the psychologist whether he/she works with anger issues, and whether he/she works with teens as well as parents. I find in most cases it is helpful to work on strategies with parents and the teenager. Parents and teens each may have ideas about possible anger triggers. In addition, many of the strategies involve parents and teens working together. The second half of my workbook on anger overload explains how to work together, for example, teaching your teen about other points of view, and how to use catch phrases to help your teen think before acting out her anger. Most teens cannot develop these skills alone.
Individual therapy can be helpful though when there are underlying problems, such as worries about family, friends, or school. Teens may want to address these concerns without you in the room. So ideally the therapist is able to assess the problem in the first couple of sessions, and then work with the family and/or the teenager.
The two diagnoses that are sometimes mistakenly used for teens who get angry are oppositional defiant disorder and bipolar disorder. Many teens who have anger overload are not usually defiant. They just have difficulty when they get really angry. Further, they do not usually have a mood disorder. For bipolar disorder there would be many other mood related symptoms besides anger overload. By the way it is not unusual that your daughter might think she has bipolar disorder after reading about it. Any of us may think we have a disorder when we first learn about it; we call this "medical students' disease" because when medical students are first learning about diseases they think they have them. When they get more experience they realize they don't!
All the best, Dr. Dave Gottlieb
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