What type of classroom is best for 6 yr old?

I have an almost 6 year old (about 2 months shy) who for the most part is a sweet, amazing child, but when angry, will hit, kick, throw, scream, run.  It started surfacing when he was about 3.5 years old.  We went through a number of preschools and finally settled on a part time parent participation preschool with a nanny present at all times.  We took him to a developmental pediatrician and it ended up more about ruling things out (autism, ADHD) than knowing the root cause.

He's now in kindergarten and officially on an IEP, and in a specialized class with onsite behavior specialists and therapists, and on a shortened day.  As a part of the IEP, we're about to get in-home services with a therapist as well.  As a part of my search for answers, I stumbled upon your articles on anger overload, which is the first time I felt like someone was describing my son.  My husband and I have learned to change how we interact with him (our developmental pediatrician recommended "The Explosive Child" which helped us understand that blaming him for his behavior was like blaming a dyslexic child for not being able to read), and while we still have our moments, we've been able to really minimize his severe anger at home.

This is not the case at school.  Even with all the additional support, he's having problems where an incident report is written up multiple times a week.  What more could we be doing to help him?  Are there therapeutic programs we should be looking into?


Hi, Yes there are day schools for children with emotional problems, but that may not be ideal for your child.  The programs vary in what emotional issues they deal with and in what approaches they use.  So if you someday consider that option, check with your school district to see what day schools they work with and what types of problems the schools are designed to help.

It sounds like your school system is trying to help by placing your son in a specialized program within your home school district.  The advantage of that approach is your son does not have a long bus ride, and may eventually be able to be mainstreamed gradually once he develops better self control.

The second volume of my manual offers strategies for helping children with anger overload in the classroom. I show how to apply the core principles from the first volume of my parent's manual to the school setting.  The first step is looking for patterns:  are there some themes or triggers that precede your son's outbursts?  While you will not be able to categorize all of the situations, if you, or the teacher, notice some patterns in school, you can then try to prevent anger overload by either changing the child's expectations or changing the sequence of activities.  For example, if a child expects to be called on when he raises his hand, or in another example say he expects to use the computers when he arrives at school, the teacher may be able to cue the child before these situations occur.  In the first example, the teacher will explain to the child ahead of time that he will only be called on occasionally, or, in the second example, he will be able to use the computer after the class does something else first.  The teacher could develop a short verbal or visual cue to help remind the child of what to expect, and could compliment the child any time he shows self restraint in those situations.  

There are also ways to set up relaxation stations or use emotional distraction techniques if the child's frustration is caught at an early stage before anger overload is reached.  I explain more about these strategies in other blog posts and in volume two of my parent's manual.

The most difficult stage for the teacher to manage in the classroom is if the child reaches the anger overload phase.  When a child is in this phase the teacher will usually need the help of an aide to help the child leave the classroom.  The school should plan in advance where this place would be in the school, so that the child is able to settle down without too much attention from the aide.  This can be hard to do when there is a classroom full of other students, so that if there are frequent outbursts, a smaller class with a "go to" calming place would be needed.

I explain in my manual that rewards and consequences need to be used carefully, because children with anger overload are usually not able to stop their behavior to avoid a consequence.  Children are not thinking rationally during anger overload.  Also, writing up an incident report may not be helpful, unless it is used to identify patterns, and not used to hand out punishments.  Determining patterns and triggers, as I mentioned above, is a useful first step toward developing a plan to help forestall an outburst.  Generally speaking, it is important to develop a good working relationship with your son's teachers and therapists. The more everyone is working together, the more likely your child will learn to develop better self control.

Best, Dave Gottlieb, Ph.D.