Monday, January 28, 2019

11 yr old with anger overload, ADD, and anxiety

Hi Dr. Dave,

I have just read your blog and article at Great Schools. I write to you because I feel identified with the stories you share. My son has been diagnosed to have ADD. He is also is diagnosed by IEP and by his pediatrician to have OCD, anxiety and mild depression.

My kid is having a hard time to at least find one close friend to come over for a play date that makes him feel very lonely, even when I am trying my best to have him busy. I find this situation challenging for me as a mother with not family close by. I have also a 14 year old, and he has good friends, and my 11 years old is always jealous and defiant with him because he cannot get friends like him. I am teaching  my older son to help his bother and be kind and tolerant because of the current issues with him. 

I see your description of overload anger and it pictures my child suffering from that more than anything else. I am a divorced mother. His father used to have this overload anger too very often, throwing things to the floor when you did not do things in his way or was in disagreement. Yelling or getting angry very fast for any minor issue. Sometimes yelling or even slapped one of my boys for minor things. I see my child react the same sometimes by throwing things to the floor or yelling.  

I found your techniques very interesting. I would like you yo please give me the title of all your books to help me out to help my son. He is 11. I wonder if you still work in Chicago. I am willing to maybe set up an appointment with you via phone conference if you are still in practice. 

Unfortunately, the father of my kid doesn’t want to accept that my kid has an ongoing neurological problem. I asked his father to come along to therapists, and he always discusses and affirms to them that my kid doesn’t have any problem at his place and he is well behaved at his home. I always believe he may have had this problems as a kid and he doesn’t admit it or want doctors  know it. However, he doesn’t understand that denying this problem and not accepting participation and leaving my son with no  therapy will leave him growing up unhappy and increase his anxiety and possibly a constant depressive mood. 

Please I would like to know your thoughts! 
Thanks for support with articles to parent like me!!


My books are available at online sites like Amazon and Barnes and Noble.  My books include Anger Overload:  A Parent's Manual, 
Anger Overload:  Additional Strategies for Teachers and Parents,  
The Anger Overload Workbook for Children and Teens,  
Your Child is Defiant:  Why is Nothing Working?
Why is My Child's ADHD Not Better Yet?   

It would help if all the adults worked together on the strategies I outline in my manuals.  Maybe don't disagree with the Dad about what happens at his house, but still let him know what you are working on at your house.  Maybe then he will consider the strategies too, even though he says that he does not need them.  Also, you could ask his father to let your son know that he supports your plans and wants your son to use the strategies at your house. 

Read the parent's manual first.  Next, the workbook for children and teens is for children 8 and over, and you could read that book with your son and devise strategies together. One of the books is especially written for teachers.  The other books help give advice for ADHD and for defiance.  

Regarding making friends, ask his teacher if there is anyone he spends time with at lunch or recess.  Also, try to find a children's club or group activity that meets regularly in your area.  Sometimes, a friend emerges from these activities.  Also, the school might have a social skills group that meets weekly during school hours. 

I don't do phone consultations, as state licensing laws do no yet permit that in most states.  Keep working with a mental health professional in your area and with the school.  See if you can implement some of the strategies in my books.  Over time, your son can develop better self control.

Best, Dr. Dave Gottlieb

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